Washington, D.C.
Written by: Widdles
Spokespeople for the Secret Service lavished President Biden with praise for his uncanny ability to elude his contemporaries during an impromptu summit at Camp David over the weekend.
Several world leaders met at Camp David to discuss the relationship between Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift, and the effects it is having on the international socio economic landscape. Though no details were given on the incredibly impactful meeting, some interesting tid-bits have been leaked. For instance Vladimer Putin and Emmanuel Macron were able to find some common ground with their mutual gluten allergies and love for three-toed sloth Tic-Toc videos. Macron gushed, “Maybe he’s not so bad. I’ll pause before condemning his violations of the Geneva Convention, because C’MON!! Who could love an adorable, slow, clumsy sloth then turn around and commit genocide??”
However, perhaps the biggest surprise was the apparent domination by the U.S. President in a high stakes game of hide and seek, according to U.S. officials.
Secret Service Spokesperson Ali-Ashar Goldstein addressed reporters outside of Rand’s Manakeesh & Lox Deli, “President Biden was able to elude not only every single world leader on-site, he also vanished from us for a period of time. I knew he was a top-notch statesman, but I had no idea he could hide better than Yeti himself.” Goldstein added that The President was off the grid for more than two hours.
When pressed by reporters on how the very organization charged with not letting POTUS out of their sight was so easily duped, Goldstein quickly replied,”he’s deceptively quick!” That statement garnered laughter from the entire gaggle of journalists to which the spokesperson responded, “Shut up!” then promptly ended the presser.
Like any competitive event, this one isn't free from controversy. Every other world leader and their staffs claim that the Secret Service simply fell asleep at the wheel. Angela Merkel, whom the President oddly invited personally and kept referring to as Chancellor, even though she stepped down in 2018, told her bridge club that there was no hide & seek game that she was aware of. She claimed she stumbled across The President standing in an interior hallway talking to a ficus tree about interest rates.
Before boarding Air Force One a reporter asked President Biden about the incident. POTUS responded with his trademark grin and said, “Look! I have thumbs, happy day and cranberries!”